The refined humor of Stephen Wright:

"Stephen Wrightism's":

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station...

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge,  would they call it FedUP?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

If they arrested the Energizer Bunny,  would they charge it with 
battery?

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead"?

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm 
in the bathroom.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as 
cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery 
is dead?

Since Americans throw rice a weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them 
what time it is?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they
already know you don't have?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

If the universe is everything, and  scientists say that the universe
is expanding, what is it expanding into?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is  around to see it, do the
other trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?  It
sounds like a near hit to me!!

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge
of everything outdoors?

When I erase a word with a pencil where does it go?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's
not adoor?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.
Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of 
progress?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?